I tried to measure the sky with my arms. I realized the sky was wider than my arms.

Today might have been our crew's last day of gutting. It was the last day, at least, for our crew lead, Jackie, who leaves early tomorrow morning. We had to return to the same address as yesterday. The building is a duplex, and unbeknownst to us yesterday, we had to gut both houses. We returned today to finish the job, and boy, were we ready. Jackie, caffeineted and energized, motivated us to gut as fast as we could. We planned on having the house done as soon as we stepped out from the car.

And we did finish in a day. It took us all day --- but we did it. You can't quite know the feeling of accomplishment until you gut a house in a day, and experience the thrill of standing underneath a crumbling ceiling as a team mate kicks it down, or the satisfaction of smashing through a wall with a sledgehammer and watching the dust and debris explode out across the room. We got lucky with lunch, too, because the lunch delivery didn't have enough gas to make it to their next destination, which meant more PB&J for us. We waved goodbye to the neighbors and made it home by 5. If this was our last day of gutting, then it was a good note to end on.

But is that it? I return home tomorrow and I can't help but feel that despite the whole standing in solidarity thing, despite working each day, that I have been, and still am, just a spectator. And going home I will not be working with anyone here anymore. I will just be talking about it, spouting out self-righteous prattle about poverty and power and privelege, and showing off photos of it all.

I've been ambivalent this whole time about keeping a blog. On one end I hope that I've informed some people about the situation in New Orleans. On the other I feel like I'm just writing about my own accomplishments --- minor ones at best --- of gutting a house in a day or attending a rally, things that make me seem more noble than I am. But it's not about that. Talking about it at all feels like showmanship. If I could remove myself from the words in some way and make it more about the city and its people, I would. Or at least I'd like to believe I would. In any case I feel like I haven't conveyed much here. I don't know how much I can convey, but I've said very little, to very few people.

And going home, who knows how it will feel? Will people understand, and how patient should I be for those who won't? What do I say? How do I go about it?

These are all questions most of us in the course are wondering. Some of us are fed up with educating, exhausted with telling people about something that has been obvious to them for their lifetime. Others are very eager to get the word out. I don't really know what I'll do in terms of educating but I know that this blog on its own is probably not enough.

There is much more to say and I don't know when I'll say it, if ever. Tomorrow will be a great day (as every day here has been). It'll be sad to depart but I'm happy to know I'll see most of these people again in just a few days. And I plan on staying up all night. Wish me luck.

ps. That song "Irreplacable" by Beyonce is our official song. We have managed to hear it every day, either on the car radio or from someone singing it, or just by way of it sneaking into our heads and getting stuck in there. to the left, to the left